Introduction
How can we raise our children to be Gursikhs with a genuine love for Guru Sahib? The truth is that there are no guarantees in parenting. Love for Guru Sahib must well up inside each individual and no one can force us to develop that love. Many times, even great Gursikh couples had children whose love for Guru Sahib never resembled that of their parents. Out of the infinite lessons taught to us by Sri Guru Nanak Dev Ji, one of them is that having even Guru Sahib as a parent does not mean there is any certainty of becoming a role model Gursikh. Conversely, many of the greatest Gursikhs often come from places where you might least expect. It is important to begin with this huge caveat about the lack of guarantees regarding the role of parenting. Parenting may be no guarantee of Gursikhi but it is still the most effective tool that we have to ensure that the population of practicing Gursikhs increases.
Parents instinctively love their children and want what is best for them. As a general rule, in the court of Vaheguru, every person is judged individually, according to their own actions and according to their personal relationship with Vaheguru.
ਕਰਮੀ ਕਰਮੀ ਹੋਇ ਵੀਚਾਰੁ ॥ ਸਚਾ ਆਪਿ ਸਚਾ ਦਰਬਾਰੁ ॥
By their deeds and their actions, they shall be judged. God Himself is True, and True is His Court. (Sri Japji Sahib)
When our child eventually ends up in Vaheguru Ji’s court, we want them to have the best chance of success of being judged positively. We want them to have lived their life as a Gursikh, accumulating good karams and having avoided bad karams. We want them to have lived a life where they did a good amount of Gurbani Paath and Naam Simran and became close to Guru Sahib.
Ultimately, the point of this human life is to meet Vaheguru and to escape the cycle of life and death. Teaching our children to make the best use of their human life by helping them meet Vaheguru is the greatest gift we can possibly give them.
ਭਈ ਪਰਾਪਤਿ ਮਾਨੁਖ ਦੇਹੁਰੀਆ ॥ ਗੋਬਿੰਦ ਮਿਲਣ ਕੀ ਇਹ ਤੇਰੀ ਬਰੀਆ ॥
This human body has been given to you. This is your chance to meet the Lord of the Universe. (Sri Rehraas Sahib)
The most important thing we can do for our children is to model Gursikh behaviour to them and inspire them to become Gursikhs.
ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸਿਮਰਿ ਸੁਖ ਪਾਵਹੁ ॥ ਆਪਿ ਜਪਹੁ ਅਵਰਹ ਨਾਮੁ ਜਪਾਵਹੁ ॥
Meditate, meditate, meditate in remembrance of Him, and find peace. Chant the Naam yourself, and inspire others to chant it. (Sri Sukhmani Sahib)
When Guru Sahib is telling us to inspire others to “chant the Naam”, Guru Sahib is including our family members. Children are the most impressionable among us, especially when they are young and are the easiest to inspire.
When Bhai Jeevan Singh Ji would visit Khalsa School in Surrey in the 1990s and early 2000s, they would always make a point of spending time with the youngest children including those in the childcare centre. Bhai Sahib would say that his time spent with younger children would bear more fruit compared to spending time with older children who are harder to mold. Studies on children’s development and psychology tell us the same thing, we can make the biggest impact when children are younger. Once sparking their love at a young age, we have to help them maintain that love until it reaches a point that they are more established in their relationship with Guru Sahib.
So how can we raise Gursikh children? In this article we will be talking about five particular areas where parents can focus their attention. These five areas have been determined by doing Sangat with Gursikhs including Gursikh parents and witnessing behaviours, practices and strategies that have appeared to bear the most fruit.
Seeking Guru Sahib’s Blessings
Inculcating Sikhi Skills & Knowledge
Instilling Sikhi Qualities
Sikhi Routines
Child Psychology
The rest of this article will be elaborating on these five areas to give an idea of what they may look like.
Seeking Guru Sahib’s Blessings
A little over two years before our daughter was born, my wife and I met a Gursikh in the Parkarma of Sri Darbar Sahib Harmandir Sahib. We were in Amritsar for about two weeks and ran into this Gursikh multiple times in multiple locations but we met him in the Parkarma at least three times.
We had never met him before and never even caught his name but he would talk to us every time we met him, sharing valuable life advice. One thing he said that had the biggest impact on my wife was to add multiple Banis to her daily routine before she had kids. He said that when the mother does enough Gurbani Paath that Vaheguru Ji is sure to send them a special soul.
We are not sure if this happened in our case but we have heard variations of this advice from other Gursikhs as well. Gurbani Paath during pregnancy and even before pregnancy is analogous to taking prenatal vitamins during pregnancy and before pregnancy. It primes the womb to be ready to receive a special soul if that is what Vaheguru Ji wills.
In addition to increased Gurbani Paath or Naam Simran, seeking Guru Sahib’s blessings before or during pregnancy may manifest itself in many different forms. It may include doing Ardaas, doing a Sehaj Paath or any other task that you think may result in you receiving Guru Sahib’s blessings so that a good soul is sent your way. If you receive a good soul, parenting styles and strategies are much less consequential.
Ultimately, whether Vaheguru Ji sends your family a good soul is up to Vaheguru Ji. Sometimes even the most amazing Gursikhs give birth to individuals who leave Sikhi and who even betray Sikhi. We can do our best to seek Guru Sahib’s blessings but ultimately it is Vaheguru Ji’s will.
After your child’s birth, it is important to continually seek Guru Sahib’s blessings for your child. For example, to seek Guru Sahib’s blessings for your child to become a Gursikh, you can do one Sehaj Paath a year for them and do the bhog every year on your child’s Birthday. Maybe you can do 1 extra Japji Sahib Paath every day so Guru Sahib blesses your child with Gursikhi.
When we make consistent genuine efforts to seek Guru Sahib’s blessings for our child to become a Gursikh, Guru Sahib certainly hears our Ardaas.
It is also very important to present your child at the first available Amrit Sanchaar to receive Amrit after your child’s birth. They will not be able to practice the Rehit given to them properly but it is important nonetheless for them to become initiated into the Khalsa fold at the earliest available time. It is a powerful way for them to be surrounded by Guru Sahib’s protection and blessings.
Inculcating Sikhi Skills & Knowledge
There are many “Sikhi Skills” that a child may learn as they grow up. These include but are not limited to:
Learning to do Kirtan or Tabla
Memorizing Gurbani
Reading fluently from Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji with correct pronunciation
Gatka
Learning how to do Dhadi Vaaraan
Learning to do Kirtan by Tanti Saaj (stringed instruments)
Gurbani writing/calligraphy
There are also many forms of “Sikhi Knowledge” that a child may learn. These include but are not limited to:
Names of Guru Sahibs, Punj Pyaray, Chaar Sahibzaaday, Punj Takht, etc.
Knowledge of Sikh History
Proper etiquette in Darbar Sahib including respect for Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji.
Knowledge of Khalsa Rehit including Bujjer Kurahits, Punj Kakaar, Nitnem Banis, Dasvandh etc.
Knowledge of Gurbani Grammar
It is important to expose our children to Sangat and good teachers of Gurmat so that our children pick up on these skills and knowledge as much as possible. It is, however, often a pitfall of Gursikh parents that they are satisfied by the appearance of skills or knowledge but the level of Sikhi and relationship to Guru Sahib remains superficial. This is often the case due to the lack of presence of important Sikh qualities such as contentment and humility, which brings us to the next section.
Instilling Gursikh Qualities
Being able to do Kirtan or Paath is a great thing for a young Gursikh. It is necessary in order to progress in Sikhi but by itself it is not sufficient to become a good Gursikh. In order to become a Gursikh, it is important to also possess the internal qualities of a Gursikh. There are some cases where becoming a good Kirtani actually worsens someone’s Sikhi rather than improving it. Many parents are satisfied with their kid knowing Kirtan or being able to fluently read Gurbani without asking whether perhaps those skills may also be contributing to arrogance or ego or exposing them to other vikaars. In order to be a successful Kirtani or Paathi, we must also possess humility and other qualities that will ground our Sikhi and keep us from falling off the path.
Some of these important Sikh qualities include:
Humility
Contentment
Compassion/Empathy
Forgiveness
Practicing Truth (not speaking lies)
Love/Devotion/Service
Courage
Reflective Capacity (ability to recognize mistakes and improve oneself)
Commitment/Discipline
Passion for Sikhi and Guru Sahib (this can be instilled by modeling passion yourself
It is much easier to teach the skills in the previous section than it is to instill these qualities inside someone. All of us have our innate personalities given to us by Vaheguru Ji. It is easier to teach compassion or discipline to some kids compared to others but it is necessary to teach these qualities to our children nonetheless if we want their Sikhi to grow and prosper.
So how can we teach these qualities to our children? The primary strategy is to act out these qualities ourselves and therefore model these qualities for our children to learn from. We can model compassion by acting compassionate to our spouse or to others. We can model devotion and service by lovingly engaging in Sevaa ourselves such as Langar Sevaa.
The second strategy is to expose them to Gursikhs who possess these qualities. Taking children to Sangat and being proactive about doing the Sangat of Gurmukhs will allow your children to grow these qualities. Be mindful about shielding them from negative Sangat where negative traits and behaviours can easily be learned which would negate the positive influence of your child’s Gursikh Sangat.
Sikhi Routines
It is important to have a number of Sikhi-oriented daily or weekly routines. These can include but are not limited to the following:
Parents should seek to do 7 Bani Nitnem for their children from birth on a daily basis (when children are young, this can be done from a recording also). Once a child reaches a certain age (around the time they start attending school full time), it is important to do morning Nitnem together with them as a family. This may require waking up 1-2 hours earlier than your child would otherwise wake up on school days which means their sleeping time needs to be adjusted accordingly.
The family should come together every evening to do Rehraas Sahib
Some teaching time every day, if even for 10 or 20 minutes where some Sikhi skills or knowledge can be taught to your children
Goodnight “Sakhi Time” where a child is told a Sakhi every night from once they start understanding some words followed by Sohila Sahib. These Sakhis can also be fictional but in any case they should include a strong message and lesson.
Going to a Kirtan program once a week or more
Tying a Dastaar as early as possible and wearing it always when out of the house. Once a child becomes school age they should be diligent about wearing their kakaars.
Speaking Punjabi exclusively at home with your child at least in the early years
Lots of exposure to Sikhi-oriented books and cartoons (also avoiding exposure to non-Sikhi oriented cartoons or videos)
There are many dozens of quality Sikhi videos for children on YouTube. Examples include Anaahad Productions, Khalsa Phulwari (on Bhai Parminder Singh Australia’s YouTube page), Sikhville (including the Vismaad movies), the 2 Chaar Sahibzaade movies and many others. There is no reason to have your child watch regular cartoons when they can be exposed to so much engaging, high-quality Sikh content.
This section included some examples of routines that, once established, will provide a strong foundation for your child’s Sikhi.
Child Psychology
It is important to know how your child thinks. Does your child respond better to rewards or punishments? When is a good time to give in to your child and when is a good time to hold your ground? Most importantly, it is important to have a secure bond with your child so that they know that everything you do is in their best interest. This bond is established right from the moment that your child is born.
Every child is different and may require a different parenting approach. Get to know your child’s personality and experiment with different strategies so that you can be connected with them and ensure that they are prepared to accept your guidance.
Conclusion
Raising Gursikh children is the most important thing that we can do for the Panth. Doing so successfully requires a lot of hard work and commitment and even then, without Guru Sahib’s blessings, it can be extremely difficult. By being purposeful in our approach to raising children to become Gursikhs, we can increase the chances of success and avoid pitfalls that can hinder our child’s progress on the path to developing a relationship with Guru Sahib.
A comprehensive strategy is important. Focusing too much on developing outward “Sikhi Skills” while neglecting to develop internal Gursikh qualities is often a recipe for failure. Developing qualities without creating routines will result in those qualities withering away over time. And everything is ultimately a waste without Guru Sahib’s blessings or without a strong bond with your child.
The guidance in this article is by no means exhaustive and is only written based on observations of Gursikh families where Gursikh children have successfully been raised. I seek forgiveness for any mistakes made in the writing of this article.
